Boyfriend wont look for a job
We have known one another for about ten years dating on and off, taking a four year break at one point. We are compatible on many levels, but there is one thing that continues to turn me off from ten years ago to now and that is his lack of ambition to be successful professionally. I find the sexiest thing about a man is his intelligence, and no matter if a person is well read or not, a great deal of intelligence comes from professional life experience. I should be happy to have a man who loves me and I can trust. I think everyone here can feel your pain.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Should you continue dating someone who doesn't have a job?
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Boyfriend Not Working, Kick him out or be patient ?Content:
- My Boyfriend Can’t Find a Job and It’s Driving Me Nuts!
- Don’t Marry Your Man If He Lacks These 4 Traits
- My Boyfriend is Wonderful, but Not Ambitious or Successful
- Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Won’t Look For Work
- If Your Boyfriend Isn’t Motivated, Will He Drag You Down?
- My Boyfriend Won’t Get A Better Job
My Boyfriend Can’t Find a Job and It’s Driving Me Nuts!
You love him, but your boyfriend has no goals, ambitions or even motivation for the future. His perspective is bound to affect your relationship eventually — as well your feelings for him. She says:. I appreciate that he is a hard worker, but he is constantly stuck in dead end jobs at minimum wage. He also has a culinary degree, but chooses to work small construction jobs here and there to make ends meet.
My boyfriend says he is past the age of dreaming and now he just wants to pay the bills. This reader also says:. I understand paying the bills is important, but following your dreams with passion and living life fully is I feel is way more important. There is only one thing you can do that might possibly motivate your boyfriend to grow or become more ambitious…and that one thing is to accept him exactly the way he is right now.
You want to motivate your boyfriend, not alienate him. Change is hard! Think about it this way: What was the last thing you tried to change about yourself? Change takes time, effort, perseverence, and motivation. It also requires emotional, spiritual, and intellectual energy — and you have to really want to change. You have enough on your hands with your own life! You have your path, goals, plans, hopes and dreams.
Focus your energy and attention on your own journey, and allow your boyfriend to walk his own path. Reflect and even pray about your future with him…is he the right partner for you, for a long-term commitment? Do you think your boyfriend is depressed? Read Is Your Boyfriend Depressed? You and you boyfriend need to be on the same page with regard to careers, kids, location, and plans for the future.
I was once in love with a guy 11 years older than me, who had no ambition or motivation to do anything but work part-time with the post office. He said he wanted to be a writer, but he never moved ahead with it. My sister gave me bad relationship advice: she said to stay with that boyfriend even though he had no ambition at all. He could be my stabilizing force and I could be the star!
Fifteen years later, that boyfriend who I broke up with shortly after my sister gave me that advice is still doing nothing with his life. And traveled, and bought and sold a couple of houses.
Is your relationship the best fit for you? You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. What will that effect be? It depends on you and how determined you are to achieve your own goals and plans for your life.
You need to listen to your inner voice. Put all thoughts of love and how much fun you have with him aside for a few minutes, and think objectively about your goals for your future. You have decades to pay bills, have kids, get married, and settle into a boring routine job.
Right now is the time to LIVE and follow your heart! Go have adventures — move overseas, meet interesting people, explore the world, challenge yourself, take risks.
Live as though this is your last year on earth…because it could be. Be there for your boyfriend. Encourage and support him.
Your thoughts are welcome below! Writing about your relationship will help you process your thoughts and emotions, and perhaps even help you decide what to do in your relationship. Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. The guy im dating is younger then me hard working but cant see his goals no growing up i dont no what he does with money.
I too am going through the same thing. I notice my partner lacks motivation, has put off going to school for years and also has been unemployed for a year. He started going back to school but now it feels like goals we both decided to do are on the back burner cause of him and my life is on hold too.
I feel really unsatisfied and im not even sure if I love him as a friend or lover now. My boyfriend is also 10 years older than me and very slow and unmotivated in every part of his life. We ve dated for a year and a half and I feel half my ambition has left me. I always had something pushing me to be the better than the person I was the day before. Now i just live every day as is.
I just really wanted to first thank you, Laurie for this golden advice it has been very beneficial. I am in love with this guy im dating for almost 2 years now. We have so much fun together, i think its the best bit of our relationship,we make eachother laugh all the time. One of the biggest problem is the distance between us, and we want to close the distance as soon as we can because now it is very hard in many aspects, the communication, the time gap, and its very expensive too, and we are better when we are next to eachother.
In order to do this the logical thing is to get married so i can stay there without visa, we talked about this since the beginning. I used up all my money to come to his country for few months, and also learned his language. I feel like any move i make right now is just gonna make things fall apart.
I did many things and give many advice because. Currently i told him im giving him space, but this hurts so bad. I know that the logical thing to do is to accept that this relationship is not going anywhere, but I wish to salvage this relationship. Should i just accept and love him the way he is? I understand the easy, comfortable company he provides you. He lives in a world where easy and comfortable are his end-all, be-all, so it takes no effort on his part, while it soothes your very responsible and anxious nerves.
But I guarantee you will end up resenting him for his lack of concern for anything but himself. I went to marriage counseling with him and the therapist told me point blank he was a narcissist.
He would get fired or quit jobs and slept all day and played video games. My fiance is 30 and I am We have been together for 7 years and have 2 kids together. My problem is, my fiance does not have any ambition to do anything other than play games. I have tried making him see the benefits when it comes to setting goals etc but he is just not interested. He is a gamer and that is all he does when he is not working. He wants to live in the now!
He is a great father and is a great provider for our family. But I feel he is holding me back from achieving my goals and getting out there! We just dont have the same interests! I think you know the answer already Ashbear. Also, I found this article pretty helpful. This is great stuff i dont know how i got to this platform but ive just realised i need help..
I am a vibrant and active business minded person will i survive this relationship. Please help. Hi, So my situation seems quite similar to some other ladies on here. I am 24 while my boyfriend is So he basically leaves the house for about 4 to 5 hrs a day while I have to work all day!
We moved back in and made promises to do better and more but its just the same tbh but just better communication. I know love is above all but what am I to do. If I fail we both fail.
I cant teach or help someone who should want more in life for themselves. Everything else in the relationship is fine. Sweetest guy, better communication etc. Its just the lack of growing up and becoming the man he should be. I know forcing someone to do something only makes them push away from it but when is enough, enough?
His changing must come from him, not from you. Are you paying for his school? You could phrase it as, it would make you feel better if he went to class, and treated his education as more of a priority.
Cognitive dissonance is what one experiences when learning that how they viewed another was not how that person actually is. I could only realize who that person was by seeing him through his own value system, not mine.
Don’t Marry Your Man If He Lacks These 4 Traits
FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it? I'm 29, have a doctorate, make 6 figures and own my own place. I've been with a guy who is 5 years younger than me for 6 months now.
You know what I am talking about. And read my 21 pieces of unsolicited advice for you, the brokenhearted. In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. I went and confirmed it with an expert. It also highlights his self-esteem.
My Boyfriend is Wonderful, but Not Ambitious or Successful
You love him, but your boyfriend has no goals, ambitions or even motivation for the future. His perspective is bound to affect your relationship eventually — as well your feelings for him. She says:. I appreciate that he is a hard worker, but he is constantly stuck in dead end jobs at minimum wage. He also has a culinary degree, but chooses to work small construction jobs here and there to make ends meet. My boyfriend says he is past the age of dreaming and now he just wants to pay the bills. This reader also says:. I understand paying the bills is important, but following your dreams with passion and living life fully is I feel is way more important. There is only one thing you can do that might possibly motivate your boyfriend to grow or become more ambitious…and that one thing is to accept him exactly the way he is right now.
Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Won’t Look For Work
Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment. Here are some reasons why people choose to stay with a partner who refuses to work. Even though you may start to feel a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment towards your partner, ultimately you stay in the relationship because you are getting something out of it. You have to be honest with yourself and explore what that is.
Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together.
If Your Boyfriend Isn’t Motivated, Will He Drag You Down?
The problem is, he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Whenever I bring up the subject he gets really defensive and even aggressive. I want him to plan for the future, hopefully OUR future, but at the same time, I refuse to play the role of his mother and tell him what to do with his life. Please help!
Part of it is my doing — I encouraged him to quit his job in December without having something lined up, which goes against my usual advice. However, the people he worked for were terrible; I have a high bullshit threshold and these people went way past it. He once went to them with a complaint of sexual harassment by a female client — which made him profoundly and understandably uncomfortable — and they LAUGHED at him and told him he should be flattered! Fuck that noise, I said. Then February. Then March.
My Boyfriend Won’t Get A Better Job