How to choose female life partner
He is also the author of the American Shaman Collections. Look for these titles and others at his literary website. Thank you for your support. Christopher McGee was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. He is the founder of the Moors Society.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Jordan Peterson - Finding a Partner and the Role of Personality
11 Things You Should Contemplate Before Choosing a Life Partner
Barton Goldsmith. What really jumped out at me was this line: "Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form. With the divorce rates as high as they are, it makes sense that it takes the right person, right time and right reasons to make a fulfilling and strong relationship.
I love Dr. Goldsmith's tips, and as a nice complement, I wanted to write my own:. Don't make choices out of fear: So many times people either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear.
Usually that fear is being alone but fears can vary widely from person to person. It's often better to be alone and wait for the right person than to make a decision out of fear. Making decisions out of fear leads to confusion, anxiety and a general feeling of something being amiss. Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the bat: It can be tempting to jump into a committed relationship quickly when you find someone you have a fiery connection with.
However, you don't really know that person yet and you're getting emotionally invested in someone that you don't know much about. As time progresses, you may find out things that you really don't like or that you're truly not compatible with this person. Because you invested so much emotional energy quickly, this can hurt a lot more than it would have if you had taken time to get to know the person before putting your whole heart in to the relationship.
When we're in the "romantic" stages of the beginning of a relationship, we are often making choices out of lust and fantasy-like projections instead of reality and logic.
It's important to remain grounded and patient when deciding to be seriously committed to someone. Give people a chance that you normally wouldn't give a chance to: If I had a dime for every time someone told me they weren't going to go out with someone because they weren't their "type," I'd be a rich woman!
Remember attraction can grow the more you get to know a person and their personality. Some people also take a lot of time to get to know and don't wear their heart on their sleeves.
Still waters run deep and you may not get a chance to find that out if you don't take the time to get to know someone. Throw out your checklist: Many people have extensive lists of what qualities and traits their ideal partner has to have.
If you box yourself in to a checklist you may miss out on some great matches for you. It's almost impossible to find a perfect checklist partner, and when we think we have found it we throw all caution to the wind and disregard some not so desirable qualities. A great relationship has emotional compatibility. How does the person make you feel as opposed to what does this person look like on paper? Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out: The qualities of a person that help to build the foundation of a good partnership are: Empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, kindness and emotional generosity.
If you find these qualities in someone, be curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem like your type on the surface. Other criteria, like "sense of humor," "world traveler," and "good dancer" are nice-to-haves but don't necessarily have to be there for you to be happy in your relationship. Don't let lust be your guide: People have a tendency to put up with a lot of crap from someone they are dating when they feel a magnetic chemistry with them. Magnetic chemistry has a strong power because it isn't something that happens often.
When we find someone we have magnetic chemistry with, not only is it an aphrodisiac that we can't get enough of but we also confuse it with the right person e. Magnetic chemistry is great but don't excuse bad behavior because of it. Don't confuse an "emotional roller coaster" with being crazy about someone: When someone isn't fully emotionally available to us or we don't know where they stand, it creates a type of anxiety. The anxiety has a way of taking over our brains to the point where our thoughts are all consumed by this person.
We're constantly thinking about where they are and what they are doing. Before we know it, we start planning our lives around them. Maybe you decide to keep your calendar open just so you don't miss an opportunity to see this person. When the person validates and affirms you, it feels great! On the flip side, when they remove themselves emotionally, ignore, manipulate or berate, it feels like the worst thing in the world. Soon the relationship has turned into a see-saw of high-highs and low-lows, which can make us feel a bit crazy or out of our element.
Don't confuse these type of feelings with love. Find someone you can be yourself around: This may sound cliched but it's true. Picking a partner where you feel like you can be percent yourself with no judgment and complete acceptance is a wonderful and liberating feeling. In life it can be difficult to find venues where you can truly be yourself.
A relationship should be your safe and comfortable place where you don't have to keep a mask on. Don't keep waiting for something to change that obviously won't: The longer you stay in a situation that you know is ultimately doomed or doesn't align with your personal values, the more you block yourself from having the opportunity to meet the right person.
Be clear with yourself about what you will and won't accept and know what your deal-breakers are. Once you become clear on those things, it is easier to make a decision about the fate of a relationship. Have fun! The less pressure you put on yourself, the happier you are with yourself, and the more at ease you are will create a space to attract the right kind of people to you.
Sometimes it takes seeing a lot of what you don't want to figure out what you do want. Enjoy yourself! This article originally appeared on Pamela's Punch. Licensed psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and anti-war activist. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us. Part of HuffPost Wellness. All rights reserved. Huffington Post. Suggest a correction. Lena Aburdene Derhally, Contributor Licensed psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and anti-war activist.
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How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1
And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are on average happier than single people and much happier than divorced people. Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course.
There are a myriad number of ways to go about finding a partner these days. Work, church, dating sites and recreational activity groups are great places to start. But, you have to know what you are looking for and what to avoid. If you have had a few relationships in the past, you can start by looking at why those relationships failed and whether you tend to fall for the same type of person that ultimately never works out. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again?
Dear Therapist: I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker
Barton Goldsmith. What really jumped out at me was this line: "Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form. With the divorce rates as high as they are, it makes sense that it takes the right person, right time and right reasons to make a fulfilling and strong relationship. I love Dr. Goldsmith's tips, and as a nice complement, I wanted to write my own:. Don't make choices out of fear: So many times people either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear. Usually that fear is being alone but fears can vary widely from person to person. It's often better to be alone and wait for the right person than to make a decision out of fear. Making decisions out of fear leads to confusion, anxiety and a general feeling of something being amiss.
6 Ways to Find The Right Partner
Updated: September 3, Reader-Approved References. Choosing your life partner — the person you want to spend the rest of your days with — is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life. Living most of your life with the person you love can be a joyous, mutually-fulfilling experience, but finding and choosing the right person can be a monumental task. Luckily, it's something that most people go through, so you're not alone: in the U.
This can be a good metaphor for our dating habits in general. The reasons we fall in love may be a mystery, but the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics both you and your partner can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight.
10 Tips for Choosing the Right Partner
How to find a life partner or choosing the right life partner is a high stake decision and it starts with understanding what to look for in a life partner. Finding the right partner is essential for a happy and healthy marriage. As pleasant as it may sound it can be very confusing to choose your life partner.
Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional baggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships. Were they too controlling?
17 important qualities to look for in your life partner
Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you will ever make — far more crucial than choosing a job, house or group of friends. The course of love never did run smoothly, and neither did the course of quitting your job, moving house, having children or dealing with tragedy. The right person will put their cards on the table, even if it means risking getting hurt. Life is hard enough without worrying about whether someone is going to show up or call when they say they will — a reliable, solid partner will never leave you wondering where you stand. Even though mundane things like shopping at Ikea can be tortuous and insipid, having the right partner to go with can transform the most dull of tasks into an afternoon of laughter and new private jokes to laugh about. Never forget that your family have your back more than anyone else, so they can sniff out a bad partner from a mile away. If they approve of yours, everything in your life should be ten times easier. Of course, seeing friends and family is really important, but spending alone time together is vital too.
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. Months ago, on a business trip, a female co-worker and I attempted to meet up with others for drinks, but when everyone else bailed, we decided to still go out.