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Things you look for in a guy

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At the time, I had been dating my boyfriend for nine months, but he still hadn't told me he loved me. He did say, repeatedly, that he didn't believe in marriage. As tired as I was of waiting for him to take our relationship seriously, I trusted that he'd grow up sooner or later. At that point, I was living with a perpetually unemployed stoner.

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What to Look For in a Guy

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At the time, I had been dating my boyfriend for nine months, but he still hadn't told me he loved me. He did say, repeatedly, that he didn't believe in marriage. As tired as I was of waiting for him to take our relationship seriously, I trusted that he'd grow up sooner or later. At that point, I was living with a perpetually unemployed stoner.

As tired as I was of hearing that my boyfriend wouldn't even consider settling down until his career was more established, I couldn't imagine kicking him to the curb based on his income-tax bracket. But after that relationship ended, the fourth in a string of romantic failures, I could see that whatever I was doing, it wasn't working.

Instead of questioning my selection criteria though, I just assumed there was something wrong with me. Maybe I was too emotional or too needy. Maybe I needed to talk things through too much. Somehow, even though I had never used any selection criteria beyond attraction in choosing guys to date, I was the one who didn't check all the boxes. She pressed a finger into the table to emphasize her point. If a guy doesn't have everything you want, don't even think about dating him. As if it's that easy!

I thought. Dating wasn't like shopping for a new car. I couldn't just get all the features I wanted on the spot. And who would be so rigid and idealistic? After all, if I had been guided by a romantic checklist over the previous decade, I never would have dated half my exes. I definitely would've steered clear of my latest man-child boyfriend, who rarely had a steady job and only set his alarm clock to watch live coverage of the Tour de France in the middle of the night.

I'd always prided myself on being flexible about men. It could take the form of a shiny new Mercedes or a rusted out '72 Impala with a trunk that doesn't close. So why was I so surprised when one relationship after another broke down in the middle of the freeway, leaving me to weep into my hands until help arrived? Somehow, I was picky about everything else in my life but men. I'd take months to decide whether or not to buy a pair of jeans.

It took me a full year to choose the right rescue dog. But when it came to guys, I would always leap before I looked. Maybe I did need to be more clinical in my assessment of potential life partners. I'd already invested so much time and energy on men who not only had no intention of marrying me but also who, if I really thought about it, weren't up to my standards in the first place! It wasn't like I was getting dumped time after time. Once I'd settle in and make a logical assessment, I didn't want to marry them either.

So when I got back to Los Angeles, for the first time in my life, I made a list of what I was looking for in a man. It was a short list. I wanted a guy whose age was within eight years of mine, who was gainfully employed and enthusiastic about his career.

And the most important item: I wanted someone who understood the value of honest communication. I'd spent so many years with guys who never wanted to talk about their emotions. Whenever I brought up complicated, heavy subjects, they got nervous. I tried for so long to accept that men don't like to talk things out the way women do.

But it was frustrating and lonely to feel like I had so much to give, but what I had to give involved a lot of talking. I wanted to share my passions, my philosophies, my big ideas. But I always ended up feeling like a tedious teacher trying to browbeat her fidgety student.

That had to change. I couldn't stand to once again feel I was offering up my best and no one would take it.

I had also dated enough by then to know that superficial traits like a pretty smile and nice laugh weren't going to see me through the tough times. I'd go into each relationship fixated on some combination of a man's pretty eyes and the fact that we both loved dogs, and I'd come out of it bothered by my boyfriend's habit of sleeping until noon or storming out in the middle of an argument.

So much of what works or doesn't work in a relationship is revealed in the day to day, after all. But you don't have to wait until you're living together to understand a guy's personal beliefs and ideas about how he wants to live. Are your habits in line? When you explain that something is important to you, does he take your word for it and try to respect your needs, or does he ask you to justify any feelings you have that he views as irrational? You don't need to read tea leaves or peer into a crystal ball to see the future with most guys.

It's natural enough to want to list superficial traits on your relationship checklist. But instead of writing down "gorgeous" or "loves life" on a dating profile, it might make more sense to list behaviors and attitudes. Making my list felt like a risk. I felt vulnerable admitting that I wanted a serious boyfriend. Wasn't it dangerous to want something so badly when I had no control over the outcome?

But in the weeks after writing my checklist, something shifted inside me. I felt more hopeful, more in control of what happened next. I knew, at last, I was either going to find what I was looking for or I was going to be alone and proud of myself for not settling for less than I deserved.

And if I scared a guy off, so be it. I have to admit, there were suddenly far fewer candidates milling about. I remember going to a wedding one weekend after I wrote my checklist and seeing clearly that none of the men hitting on me were right for me at all. One incredibly charming! Another funny! Another very sexy! As disappointing as it was not to have any romantic intrigue in my life, it was refreshing to see the playing field clearly for maybe the first time ever.

I drove home from that trip feeling grateful that this time, I wouldn't be leaping into another dead-end relationship with the wrong guy. It was empowering to realize I could guarantee my own happiness, just by refusing to settle. And a few months later, I met a man who not only held my interest but also checked lots of dreamy boxes that weren't even on my list.

He was handsome, he had a career he loved, and he spent our first date talking my ear off, demonstrating both his intellectual interests and, more simply, his interest in talking, period. When he told me about his family and past relationships, he expressed his values clearly, but he also acknowledged his limitations. He not only agreed to split the check but also greeted my strident feminist views as if it would be absurd for me to feel otherwise. And it became clear that at heart we were both homebodies with matching TV-marathon-loving tendencies.

It's these kinds of similarities and habits that have made our 10 years together so gratifying. What has mattered most of all, though, was the key item on my list: My now-husband understood how important honest communication is to building a great life with another person. When either of us feels frustrated or angry, we talk it out until we feel better.

That shared belief has helped me immensely: I accept my flaws and take care of myself in ways I never did before, thanks to the fact that I can admit my weaknesses to my husband and know that he won't run away from me when I do. I'm a calmer, more generous, more open person as a result.

It seems so obvious that I never should've settled for less. But it can take a lot of trial and error to figure out the most obvious things. We all need to forgive ourselves for bungling our way toward true love. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Ben Goldstein. Come to think of it, maybe Jill had a point. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

What You Should REALLY Look for in a Guy

A friend of mine told me this story: she was taking dancing classes, and a really friendly guy had been giving her lots of attention for a couple of sessions. He was bumbling and wore oversized clothes. Remember this: girls, feminine by nature, are attracted to masculinity. Cuddly and nice, yes, but panty-wetting hot? A couple of things she told me:.

Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude.

No matter how different straight women are across the world, there is something that bonds us all. For every Carrie, there is a Charlotte… and for every Miranda, there is a Samantha. By and by, women come in all different kinds of flavors, but we are pretty much all looking for the same qualities in a man. What are those qualities exactly?

20 Things That Girls Really Look For In A Guy

Finding your person is no easy task. And sometimes it feels like the dating pool is filled with too many frogs, not nearly enough princes thanks, Meghan Markle. So we sat down with three relationship experts, including husband and wife marriage counselor duo and authors of the 30th Anniversary edition of Getting the Love You Want , Harville Hendrix Ph. Don't feel bad the next time you turn someone down because "the chemistry" just isn't there. McMahan says initially women are drawn to men based on attraction. Do I feel energized when I talk to this person? These are qualities that help to establish a foundation, to form a deeper connection, and a relationship with this person," McMahan says. It's difficult to build a relationship with someone who's closed off. This is a big one, because it has three parts.

What to Look For in a Guy: 20 Things That Matter Beyond Looks

There is a stigma in today's culture that makes it seems like women have an unattainable list of things they look for in a guy, but really we just want someone who can make us laugh, who loves us well and who makes us feel special. This is a big thing girls look for! We want a man who wants to be successful. We don't care if you want to be a teacher, a doctor or a trash man, as long as you reach your goal.

Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability.

We all have that guy in our life who makes our heart go pitter-patter. The problem is that sometimes what the body wants — and what is good for us — are two completely different things. Sexual compatibility is only one part of being in a successful relationship, but we often put too much stake into it.

10 of the Most Important Qualities Women Look for in a Guy

I recently read an article listing the top seven characteristics you should look for when hiring an employee. As I read through them, it occurred to me that these are exactly the things every girl seeking a life-long relationship should want. They are the qualities that make a marriage work, will build a healthy partnership, and can weather the storms of life.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What Do Girls Look For In A Guy?

There are certain traits that the majority of heterosexual women look for in a man: kindness, GSOH, an understanding that the fight for gender equality is very much still ongoing. But other aspects of your personality could be a deal-breaker for one woman and simultaneously the reason another falls in love with you. With the advent of dating apps meaning another love interest is never more than a right swipe away, it can be hard to commit. So if you're wondering whether to settle down with your current partner, it might be worth taking a step back and asking yourself whether he ticks the boxes below. While some of us are naturally brainier than others, a new study from the Hanken School of Economics in Finland suggests that the smarter the man, the less likely he is to be unfaithful.

What to Look For in a Guy


What to Look for in a Guy. 1. He is confident. Confidence automatically makes one more attractive to the opposite sex, especially confident guys. A guy.


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